Paperwork

Well, the week of Thanksgiving, that final piece of paperwork made it into the Bethany office. We are waiting to have everything approved and then they will post our profile on their website and start presenting us to birth mothers. I wish I could genuinely say 'YAY!' but I am just lacking enthusiasm lately - to be perfectly honest.

I think that working out these feelings in writing for public view would be grossly inappropriate.

Thank you for your prayer support, and please continue to pray.

Who's on first. What's on second. I don't know is on third.

Yes, we are still waiting for the same piece of paperwork.

After speaking with all the abbreviated government (and related) peoples (GAPS, GBI, DHR), I still feel like I've gotten nowhere.

The issue seems to be a new disclaimer that they have added to the paperwork. I am waiting to get more information about this disclaimer. Apparently they have been meeting about this and are in meetings about it today.

It boggles my mind that I have taken a one week class for substitute teacher training and went on interviews for jobs who required background checks and everything seems to be fine with that. So, this must be a horse of a different color.

Please keep us in your prayers. . .

Two weeks ago . . .

. . . I was at the OB/GYN office hearing all the pregnant chatter and looking at all the round bellies with babies inside of them. I admit that tears began to swell over the dam. The grief swept over me as quick as death. I was able to maintain my composure until I got into the car - although I'd have rather saved the crying until I got home, I just couldn't make it that far!!

What a precious gift - for a baby to grow inside of you. Sometimes I ache and long to know what it's like - even the many potential miseries of pregnancy dim at the loss of fertility. But I can't let this ache surpass and shadow my need for Jesus.

There are things that we will carry all of our lives, some may even call it their cross. And I guess that this will be one of mine. What a precious gift I have been given! That, in Jesus, I would find peace and contentment in this journey and in giving up this control. I truly can't wait to see what the Father has in store with each new day.

Blessed be the name of the Lord!!

well. . .

Here we are still waiting on the GBI. Not that it's been this huge amount of time that has passed since my last update. I have, however, visited the blog of the first agency we were going to choose and found that many people who signed on with them earlier this year already had that deer-in-the-headlights smile on their face as they held their baby. But I constantly remind have to clothe myself in patience and trust in the Lord's timing and His plan for our lives.

I'm sure that sounds a little silly to some people and that's truly ok and understandable, but I hope that you will read on.

I am quite assured that if it were up to me, I'd have have lost my head through this entire infertility and adoption journey. Every time I work at trying to work things out in my own strength, power and timing, I fall back on a bed of nails. Where as, when I just surrender and trust, I fall back into the loving arms of Jesus. Not to say that it has been easy - it's been difficult giving up control, comfort and security - and He is still working that out in my life. And I pray He continues this work that He is doing, even if I have to land out of my comfort zone. Surrendering everything is the only thing that matters and although I haven't mastered it (and won't in this world) - I have a Father who is lovingly teaching me.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8 (NIV)

or as Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message:

" Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing. " Ephesians 2:7-10

Grace is sufficient. In fact, it's all we need.

Thank you for your prayers and support for us as we plod along in this journey.

Sitting. . . Playing . . . Waiting . . . Praying . . .

I am so excited that tomorrow we will be dropping off our family profiles to Bethany!! It was kind of fun putting it together but, towards the end, it got a little burdensome and tedious. I thank the Lord that he put Daniel's creative juices into action! It was truly a team effort.

Did I mention that I'm so excited?!

We are still waiting on a few more pieces of paperwork to make it to the Bethany Office (GBI and a reference). I pray that this will put us into 'the waiting' and none of this above listed paperwork will be an issue - especially the GBI stuff.

It seems like we've been working on all of this for the longest time - but the time has kind of flown, too.

We're ready to put some more playtime into our schedule now that all of this is done!!! Anyone game? :-)

When it is impressed upon your heart, please remember us, our baby and birth family in your prayers.

Thank you, again, for your support and prayers.

Home Visit

We completed the home visit this past Wednesday. By October we will officially be 'waiting'.
No new updates really.

If you have any fund raising ideas - those would be GREATLY appreciated.

Please keep praying for our birth mom and our baby.

"Keep Moving Forward"

A few weeks ago, I got to see "Meet the Robinsons" for the second time. And for fome reason, it really spoke to me! There's a phrase that is used quite often, "Keep moving forward!"
So, we have chosen to move past all the miscommunication and various issues and stay with Bethany. It goes against my natural instinct to jump ship - but we both have a peace from the Lord with our decision.

We've met with Melinda, who will be our worker. And we have another meeting with her Monday, August 24th. Hopefully by the middle or end of September we will be on the other side of this home study and waiting. And hopefully being presented to potential birth parents!

Please be praying for:

Our Baby

Birth parents

Bethany

Finances

Love, Patience & Joy in the waiting

grace IS sufficient

The good news or the bad news, first?

There are these amazing people that surround us and support us - listening, praying, encouraging, laughing and just loving us. I thank the Lord for my friends and my family.
I am grateful that the Lord has brought us into this process because it has certainly shown us how weak we are. I have found that I lack severely in grace-giving and patience. My expectations on people are too high. When one area of my life is an overflow of emotions, it tends to ooze and splash and spill onto everything else. Lots of ugly revealed! But we're still loved by the Lord and even our friends and family still love us. That's the good news.

However, I don't the agency is really loving me too much right now! After about a month and a half of unreturned e-mails (about 5 total) and several voicemails, we have both run through several different layers of disappointment, frustration and anger. At this point, Lucille has been the only one to call or respond, even though she is NOT our adoption specialist. That's the bad news - no Lucille.

And I'm sure about this one - maybe you can help me out, good news or bad news?
We submitted our formal application via e-mail on June 21 - Father's Day. And then sent in the accompanying paperwork the following day with a $500 check per Vicky's instructions.
We followed up to see if the paperwork arrived safely and at one point, it seemed as though it was but when our check wasn't clearing, I got concerned.
Then ensues some more one-way communication on my part - like I'm yelling in a cave or something. Then the admin sends me, via e-mail, the blank paperwork that we had already filled out and sent in exactly one month ago. My response to this - is there an issue with our paperwork? we already turned this in. And we have yet another unanswered e-mail that came from that.
Well, onto greener pastures, I got an e-mail this week asking me for clarification on some information that could only be found on the 'lost' paperwork. Anywho, in the brief, somehow it magically appeared in Vicky's inbox this past Wednesday. Please keep in mind that the admin had spent 2 days last week looking for this paperwork and could not find any of it. And the conclusion that we came to was that it must've gotten lost in the mail. Good news or bad news? You can chose.

Whether it's a series of miscommunications, non-communication, people not doing their job, people not fessing up when they make a mistake or my too high standards, our experience with Bethany has been less than satisfactory. But this is part of our story and the Lord works this all out for His glory and in His time.

Please pray that the Lord would grow our family and bless us with children.

::nudge::nudge::push! **PRAY**

It seems like everything we have to report lately has been a hurdle or some issue. But, for the most part, I think we're staying 'half-full' - mostly optimistic. We don't know the Lord's plan or His timing - we just do what we can to rest in Him.

An e-mail just went out to the person in charge of domestic adoptions from Daniel and I. Without getting into too much detail, we have decided to push for Ms. Lucille to be our adoption specialist. Lucille takes care of African American adoptions and by making this request, we understand that it could slow down our process some. But again, this is in the Lord's time.


For those of you who would like more details:

From the beginning of our classes at Bethany, we really wanted Lucille to be our 'worker', well, I wanted Lucille - I know Daniel thought she was great but I don't want to speak too much for him. When I found out she wouldn't be our 'worker', I was disappointed but figured we'd just go along with the rules and trust the Lord. But there has been something gently persisting inside of me to stick with Lucille.

You see, the Domestic Caucasian Infant Adoption Program is undergoing some changes. The worker who was taking care of that program left to be a stay-at-home-mom right as Daniel and I were committing to Bethany. Since then, it seems a bit chaotic and unorganized (from my perspective) but that's to be expected. I'm sure they are doing the best that they possibly can.

To keep boring details to a minimum, the communication has been, well, lacking for lack of better words. They have left several of my voicemails and e-mails unanswered, among other things -which I am sure is just part of the whirlwind of change that they are going through. But yes, it has tested my patience.

But the person who seems 'on top of it' is - well - you guessed it - Ms. Lucille. Plus, we want someone representing us (again, lacking better words) who not only knows 'the system' but knows us. We appreciate her straight-shooting honesty and her humor. And we trust her. So, we're pushing this idea with the hopes that it will be received well.

Please continue to pray for our birthmother, the finances, Bethany and this whole process.

One small step . . .

This past Friday, Lucille sent us our paperwork for the home study. I won't go into the dramatics or nuances. I'm just grateful to be putting one foot in front of the other.
We have one class this Friday with a lawyer and then somewhere in this process we will be completeing an infant care class.
We will be working on our family profile and researching pediatrcians, formula, diapers (yes, we want to do cloth diapers. no, we are not crazy), etc. . .
We will also be working out having some fundraisers. We have a few ideas but we are open to suggestions.
There will be quite a bit going on and then we will go into the waiting.
Please continue to pray for us.

Prayer Requests

Although we turned in our application the week following Father's Day, there doesn't seem to be too much movement on the end of our agency. Our adoption specialist seems to have a double title of Domestic Infant Adoption Specialist and Birtmother Counselor - which seems like a lot for one person to do. Please pray for Bethany as you pray for our patience, love, kindness, gentleness and understanding.

There is a woman or young lady (that we don't even know!) that the Lord has set aside for us to carry a baby for us. She will undoubtedly be making one of the most difficult decisions of her life. Please pray and continue to be in prayer for the birth mother.

Please pray for our preparedness of being parents. I know that nothing ever prepares you but I must admit that I have been questioning if I am ready to be a mom.

The money required to complete this process isn't in our pockets. This is a reality that is testing my faith. I keep researching fundraising ideas and wondering if I shouldn't pick up a second job (ok, maybe obsessing!) when I know that the Lord knows ours needs. Not that I just kick back and do nothing - making myself exempt from responsibility for action - but I just need to chill out about it and really just trust Him. And please know that I am open to suggestions in regards to this area!! But I need prayer :-)

Thank you so much!!!

Father's Day Milestone

This week, we turned in our formal application. I'm assuming that we'll be pending approval while they check our personal and work references. We're still in the process of working on the required classes and soon, hopefully, we'll be working on the homestudy and family profile. And from what I understand, Lucille is working on getting back into the swing of things and recovering well.

If anyone has any ideas for fundraising they'd like to share - that'd be great!!

Thank you for your prayers and support!

Keep praying for us, please.

Prayer Request

Please keep Lucille in your prayers. She is the case worker who is teaching our classes. Last week, class was cancelled because she was sick. This week, they have cancelled the next two classes because she had to have surgery. We don't the details but she is doing well, has been discharged from the hospital and is at home.

This does effect the adoption progress slightly but it's the Lord's timing and not ours. And it is rather insignificant next to a friend recuperating from surgery.

We are set to work on the formal application (as opposed to the preliminary application). After that application, we wait for what seems like 'official approval' and then move onto our home study (which is even more 'official' as far as approval). Lots of hoops to jump though but it'll be worth it. Looking at the actual paperwork that commits us to this process has brought on some butterflies, cold feet, anxieties, fears . . . testing.

End of May Update - Bethany

Thus far . . .
We have turned in our preliminary application and we're waiting for approval. We also attended the first of our required 6 classes for Bethany on May 15. We will have the second class this Friday the 29th. There will be one more big application for us to work on before we are able to start the home study (the gi-normous project).
We are also needing to collect pictures of our community for our profile so, if you happen to come across any pictures, would you mind sending them our way?
That's really all I have for you right now - as far as adoption updates go. The wheels are slowly turning and we can't rush this process. Pretty boring, I know - but I think I'll enjoy it while I can.

Love,
Vanessa

Mother's Day . . .

After googling "mother's day infertility", I must confess my irritation...





Like the one article that asks you to do something with your own mother. My mom and I don't have the best relationship and I have already planned on spending time with her doing what she'll enjoy. The article reads "Do something that turns the focus of the day onto the special relationship that you have, regardless of the day on the calendar. " Although I know what I have with her is special - that I will only have one mother, it seems to be a very strained relationship that can be trying for me. Essentially, we need years of therapy to work out our issues - but I love her still - no matter what. And that honesty kind of stings a bit.


In the same article "Do you have siblings? Are they aware of your infertility issues? Do they understand that this is a hard day for you? If so, enlist their help in your survival. Have them do the shopping or card selection while you contribute money. Let them order the flowers, or venture into the card shop if it's too hard for you to get there. "


No, I don't have siblings....


So . . . :-PPP.





And then the other article that refers to 'infertiles' - like we're friggin' mutants. Seriously!! If the person writing this article is dealing with infertility in her life, she really needs to change her personal view. I hope she doesn't see herself as a mutant.





Although harmless - the advice these people list seems so annoying to me right now. They seem bent on either ignoring it and finding distractions or faking it. "Surviving Infertility" is one of the titles.... but I want to do better than that - I'd like to thrive in it. Surviving seems so - I don't know - baseline. But I also don't want to be annoying to those close to me.


Yes, I would like to ignore this day. Yes, I wish this hallmark holiday would get blown off the calendar. But I can't change it.


So, how do I handle this head on with the grace that God wants us to have?


I have no clue. None whatsoever.


I only know how my 'old self' would be handling this and the temptation is always in front of me.

I don't plan on stewing in bitterness and resentment but I know that certain events in life will bring on grief cycles. And I pray that the Lord will strengthen me through those times. I don't know how He plans to use it and I may never know.

I do not plan on attending church on Sunday because I don't want to deal with by putting on a "poker face" or absolutely breaking down in front of people. Weak? Lame? Yea, I know.

So, I request your prayers. I ask that you pray for families who share the same grief that we carry daily. A grief that we will wear today and tomorrow - month after month, year after year. Even beyond my 'child-bearing years', I know that this will be cross.

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope I wasn't too annoying.

Working on giving in to something heavenly....





In Christ,


Vanessa

Do you take the leap of faith with your eyes open?

Yes, the garage sale was in March. And here it is May and we're still scratching our heads and staring at the fork in the road. Up until this point, we were trying to decide if we should pursue DFCS or an agency (Bethany would be the agency of choice). After some gentle probing from a good friend, Daniel and I discussed this (yet again) and have decided to go down the Bethany path.

Although, I must confess I am apprehensive and battle with the idea of agencies being this legalized black market - for lack of better words. I do mean that as non-offensively as possible. I'm not complaining about the paperwork or the red tape - I completely understand the essentials of this. But it just seems like - how can I put this?? Agencies are profiting on an urgent need - finding a safe home for a child but also adding a little extra $$$ onto it because they know that people are willing to pay to fill the hole in their hearts...

Ok, ok... so maybe I'm completely making this 'conspiracy theory' up...
but that's mostly where the battle of DFCS vs. Agency comes from for me.

But what would we do if DFCS places a little one in our house with the intent of fostering to adopt (that's typically how it happens until parental rights are terminated) and all of a sudden some relative comes from out of the blue and decides they want the baby? A battle would ensue, I know - but to lose would be like - death (I borrowed that one). Not that agencies will promise or guarantee smooth sailing - it's all a faith walk no matter what path we take.

Here's to adventure!!

In Christ,
Vanessa

P.S. http://www.adoptiondiscovery.org/ if you know anyone who wants to adopt, this is a great place for education and support.

So blessed....We are FLOORED :-)

Weeellllll, since the yard sale, we have received an amazing gift from our parents - Paul, Rhoda, Andrea, Ron, and Teresa. Teresa, taking the lead on this idea and pulling everyone together to contribute money so that we can have new flooring!!!!!!
The generosity and love behind this gift is amazing. Really, I was satisfied with the idea of having the carpet cleaners come in and do their best - with the knowledge that the carpets are not going to look new (far from it!!). I was curious just how clean they might actually get - or if I'd still be embarrassed by my floor.
Hopefully, next week we will have people laying bamboo flooring at our house!

So much is going on and we haven't even started a home study. I've been up early, tackling the to-do lists (I live by THE LIST) and going to bed late. It's been pretty fun actually. Albeit, a little tiring. We're just trying to get up to par. We are going to check out Bethany next Thursday, April 16th, for their orientation. It'll be nice to be on the other side of the home study.


Also, I was reminded that this time last year, I was recovering from my hydrosalpinx surgery.
It's awfully disappointing when things of that magnitude don't go as planned. This is not the path I would've chosen. But I want to thank the Lord for my friends and family who have rallied around us with love and prayer and just have poured out into us - overflowing! Thank you all so much!

In Christ....

THANK YOU!!

$2,169... in two days.

The Yard Sale is OVER. We still have a few items left that we're planning on listing on Craigslist, which will be in addition to the over $2,000 (!!) this past Friday and Saturday brought in.
We are grateful for all of our friends and family who came and helped. It was exhausting work but you guys made it so much fun. THANK YOU!!

I just don't have words to express the gratitude I am feeling. Thank you seems to fall short.

Thank you all who showed up early and helped us set up. Thank you all who endured the day with us, helped with money and bargaining and breaking down on Saturday. Thank you all who came and shopped! We thank the Lord for the brave people who took a chance and journeyed down our long driveway to check out what we were selling. Which, apparently, is a big risk, even for seasoned yard salers. Thank you all who donated to this yard sale which helped make it impressive to so many people. Thank you for your prayer support during this time. Thank you to those who gave gifts over and above.
The generosity that has been poured out is just a small glimpse into the Father's love for us.

Please remember us in your prayers as we continue to get ready for and go through our home study.

Adoption Fund Raising Yard Sale - ON!!!

Alrighty!! It looks like the weather experts are predicting 61 degrees and sunny for for Friday and Saturday!
YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!

As of now (Wednesday, March 18th), we are planning on having our yard sale on Friday, March 20 and Saturday, March 21 from 10am-5pm both days.

Please tell your family, your friends, your neighbors, your c0-workers.... anyone that you can think of!

I hope that we can see you there.

Yard Sale Postponed

We are scheduled to have showers and rain for the next few days.

I don't know many people who will want to shop outside in wet weather.

The yard sale will now be...

Friday March 20 from 10a-5p

&

Saturday March 21 from 10a-5p

For those of you who were planning on coming out to support us this weekend, I hope and pray that you will be able to make it next weekend.

March 20 is the first day of Spring! What a way to celebrate!

I apologize if this is an inconvenience for anyone.

Once we get on the other side of the yard sale, we are planning on hitting the homestudy pretty hard. So, you can imagine that we are ready to have this yard sale. We can't do any major cleaning with our house overflowing with generous donations! Most things are on pause for now.

(-: Upcoming Yard Sale :-)

Please remember to tell all of your friends and family about the yard sale this weekend, March 13 and 14 from 10am-5pm. Word of mouth is a powerful thing.
We have a rain date set for the following weekend, March 20 and 21.

Please see the following blog for pictures of some of the items up for sale. Those are only a few items. It's more like a multi-family yard sale with all the generous donations we've received!
There's a lot of really nice items. We've been tempted to keep some of it!

I don't normally pray about weather but I am asking to please be in prayer for NO rain :-)

Many thanks to you all.

Adoption Fund Raising Yard Sale - March 13 & 14

These are just some of the great items people have graciously donated to us for our Yard Sale.

Other items include:

Air Hockey Table

Baby Changing Table

Baby Clothes

Toys

Home Decor

TV/DVD/VHS Combo

A lot of VHS videos

CDs

Clothing

Christmas Decorations

And so much more!!

March 13 & 14

10am - 5 pm

(Rain Date set for the following weekend, March 20 & 21)

We need to raise $2,000 for our home study...

We'll post our address as we move closer to the date of the sale.

We are still open to receiving items for selling.

You can contact us at vadanielwowens@gmail.com

We look forward to seeing you there!

Daniel and Vanessa Owens

I'm not sure how to update everyone because this is really just going to be a slow process.

The yard sale is going to be March 13th and 14th. Depending on how the first one goes, we may have another sale the following weekend. We have set a deadline for items receieved to be March 1 so that we can have time to sort and price.

Daniel and I will be driving around doing pick-ups this coming weekend, Feb 14th, 15th and 16th so if you'd like to us to stop be please let me know as soon as possible. vadanielwowens@gmail.com

I have been talking to Cheri, the lady who will be doing our homestudy and she has given us a list of things to start working on. Background checks, fingerprinting, drug tests, 911 call report, pet vaccines, child abuse registry check, past taxes and other piles of paperwork to have ready....
Again, this will be a slow process so please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Many of you have shared your own personal experiences and I'm so grateful for you.
I'm unsure what this journey will bring but I am praying that it will just continue to knit our hearts together and just grow us in our walk with Christ.

Thank you again for your support in this journey

I'm a sporadic journaler. As I was looking back at an entry dated June 3, 2008 I find this...

"There are moments where I just want to stop breathing. The sadness of being barren steals the breath right out of me and I just don't want it back. What else can quench this deep desire to have my own child from my own womb? How do I seek the Lord through this? I know the Lord is the only one who can fill this hole but my anger and hurt run deep right now."

I remember a dear friend encouraging me to write down some of thoughts that were plaguing me and weighing me down, causing me to go into depression... in a later, undated entry...

"Why would he [Daniel] even want to be with me anymore? Will we stay together? Does Daniel want someone else, someone capable of getting pregnant?...
God doesn't trust me. This is hopeless.... I'm worthless."

This has been an interesting journey, looking back at these entries. All the questions that I asked the Lord and the scriptures that gave me comfort.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I even find humor of a cynic, sprinkled with some anger and harsh judgements upon people I've never met (abusive/addicted parents and people who who hurt their children) which led to more questions for the Lord that I may never have answers to. And eventually I get to praying for these people.

I even kept some song lyrics that touch my heart... "I'm not who I was when I took the first step and I'm clinging to the promise that you're not through with me yet. So if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will go through the fire if You want me to..." Ginny Owens

Why reminisce on the not-so-distant past? I don't know. I just felt like it. I hope you don't mind me sharing. If you made it this far, I'd guess not.

Why does this empty womb leave everything else feeling so empty sometimes?

At the expense of sounding like a whiner.... here I go....

In my flesh and in my own power, this journey seems absolutely impossible. I can't control the fact that an egg can not make it into my uterus in order for me to get pregnant (well, with the help of science, but we're just not going there). And where the heck is the money going to come from for an adoption? I currently don't have an income. The income we currently have blesses us to cover our expenses.

Does the Lord even want us to continue on this road? We haven't even gotten started and here I am... doubting. I don't want to limit the Lord but I keep limiting Him!

Here we are, with our map and ready for the journey but we're missing a lot of essentials to continue. I could really use some encouragement and prayer.
Just to lay out the basics....
Application: $250
Home study: $2000 (In order to apply for grants and assistance, the home study needs to be complete)
Consulting Agency: $2500
this website will lay out some other costs... the big costs http://christianadoption.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2010-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=3
In addition, we're looking at travel expenses to another state for at least 10 days.
I'm sure that there are various other expenses that will occur in this journey.

And with all those numbers, I know that the Lord is FAR bigger... that these numbers are finite to Him. But I just find myself overwhelmed and questioning, doubting... is this really going to happen? Are we going to be parents? Is this the Lord's will for us?

This is where we stand. Thank you for standing with us.

Please remember us in your prayers.

Yard Sale Anyone?

Daniel and I have been working on cleaning out our house, trying to get ready for a home study and, eventually, of course, our baby. In doing this, we have found an opportunity to have a yard sale, in the hopes to raise the money to get us started on the paperwork process. We are wanting to ask our friends if they have anything that they would be willing to contribute to a yard sale. January has already filled up for us, so we were thinking of having the yard sale towards the end of February or beginning of March. We'll share more details as they are worked out.

Please remember us in your prayers.

Prayer Request

Please pray for us as we move forward into the process of adoption.

The process, to look at it, can be overwhelming and when you add the finances into the equation, it can seem impossible.
But I know that our God is much bigger than what I see as impossible.

Please remember us in your prayers.

Thank you!

Fertility

Around October of 2007, Daniel and I begin the journey of fertility testing. At that point, we had been married for almost 4 years. All of the lab and blood tests were normal. Which pushed us, well, me, into further testing. The HSG revealed that both tubes were blocked. We were referred to a specialist, where we were given very limited options.

If the blockage was due to adhesions, a surgery could fix those and we'd be back in the road to procreation. If the blockage was a hydrosalpinges, we'd be looking at removing the tubes and pursuing test tubes babies injected into my uterus. Only a surgery would give us a better picture.

While planning for the procedure, we had to decide what to do if the doctor found a hydrosalpinges or adhesions. Adhesions, easy, remove them. Hydrosalpinges... what if they are both blocked? What if only one was blocked? Dr. Doctor pushed to remove both tubes and pursue IVF like it's a no-brainer. If we have him cut the tubes open, the rate of re-occurrence for the hydrosalpinges is so high, chances are, we'd be back to blocked tubes again. If one stays open and the other stays closed, the fluid that collects in my tubes is embryo-toxic and would cause a miscarriage.

The husband and wife team had much to talk about, much to pray about and much to research. The surgery was done in April 2008. A follow-up HSG a few weeks later revealed that the surgery was unsuccessful. We went through quite a valley, with lots of tears, and eventually pursued a second opinion with Dr. Doctor II. We had one visit with him, which was a repeat of what Dr.Doctor had said. IVF, IVF, IVF... is this some kind of conspiracy?

We researched IVF as an option. The doctor's made it sound like IVF was a cake-walk but my friends told me the truth. The blogs I read about women walking through IVF told me the truth. It's not a cake-walk. It's very difficult on a women's body, mind and spirit, which can be very damaging to a marriage and family. The finances involved are upwards from $15,000-20,000, with, for me, a 45% 'success' rate. Success only means that I'll get pregnant, NOT that I will carry to full term.

Although Daniel and I desire to have our own child, we have opted to not go through IVF. Whose to say that we won't change our minds? I don't know. We walk out infertility one day at a time, with Christ. Some days, I get that punched-in-the-gut feeling and find myself very disappointed and upset, even depressed over my empty womb. However, I am grateful for this journey that I am on. It has deepened my faith, love and trust in my Abba Father. It has deepened my relationship with my husband and taught me so much about him. I am blessed in my infertility.

As of December 2008, Daniel and I have decided to pursue adoption. This will be a slow process for us, in considering the financial aspects involved. Please be in prayer for us and our baby.