Wednesday, May 27, 2009

End of May Update - Bethany

Thus far . . .
We have turned in our preliminary application and we're waiting for approval. We also attended the first of our required 6 classes for Bethany on May 15. We will have the second class this Friday the 29th. There will be one more big application for us to work on before we are able to start the home study (the gi-normous project).
We are also needing to collect pictures of our community for our profile so, if you happen to come across any pictures, would you mind sending them our way?
That's really all I have for you right now - as far as adoption updates go. The wheels are slowly turning and we can't rush this process. Pretty boring, I know - but I think I'll enjoy it while I can.


Friday, May 8, 2009

Mother's Day . . .

After googling "mother's day infertility", I must confess my irritation...

Like the one article that asks you to do something with your own mother. My mom and I don't have the best relationship and I have already planned on spending time with her doing what she'll enjoy. The article reads "Do something that turns the focus of the day onto the special relationship that you have, regardless of the day on the calendar. " Although I know what I have with her is special - that I will only have one mother, it seems to be a very strained relationship that can be trying for me. Essentially, we need years of therapy to work out our issues - but I love her still - no matter what. And that honesty kind of stings a bit.

In the same article "Do you have siblings? Are they aware of your infertility issues? Do they understand that this is a hard day for you? If so, enlist their help in your survival. Have them do the shopping or card selection while you contribute money. Let them order the flowers, or venture into the card shop if it's too hard for you to get there. "

No, I don't have siblings....

So . . . :-PPP.

And then the other article that refers to 'infertiles' - like we're friggin' mutants. Seriously!! If the person writing this article is dealing with infertility in her life, she really needs to change her personal view. I hope she doesn't see herself as a mutant.

Although harmless - the advice these people list seems so annoying to me right now. They seem bent on either ignoring it and finding distractions or faking it. "Surviving Infertility" is one of the titles.... but I want to do better than that - I'd like to thrive in it. Surviving seems so - I don't know - baseline. But I also don't want to be annoying to those close to me.

Yes, I would like to ignore this day. Yes, I wish this hallmark holiday would get blown off the calendar. But I can't change it.

So, how do I handle this head on with the grace that God wants us to have?

I have no clue. None whatsoever.

I only know how my 'old self' would be handling this and the temptation is always in front of me.

I don't plan on stewing in bitterness and resentment but I know that certain events in life will bring on grief cycles. And I pray that the Lord will strengthen me through those times. I don't know how He plans to use it and I may never know.

I do not plan on attending church on Sunday because I don't want to deal with by putting on a "poker face" or absolutely breaking down in front of people. Weak? Lame? Yea, I know.

So, I request your prayers. I ask that you pray for families who share the same grief that we carry daily. A grief that we will wear today and tomorrow - month after month, year after year. Even beyond my 'child-bearing years', I know that this will be cross.

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope I wasn't too annoying.

Working on giving in to something heavenly....

In Christ,


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Do you take the leap of faith with your eyes open?

Yes, the garage sale was in March. And here it is May and we're still scratching our heads and staring at the fork in the road. Up until this point, we were trying to decide if we should pursue DFCS or an agency (Bethany would be the agency of choice). After some gentle probing from a good friend, Daniel and I discussed this (yet again) and have decided to go down the Bethany path.

Although, I must confess I am apprehensive and battle with the idea of agencies being this legalized black market - for lack of better words. I do mean that as non-offensively as possible. I'm not complaining about the paperwork or the red tape - I completely understand the essentials of this. But it just seems like - how can I put this?? Agencies are profiting on an urgent need - finding a safe home for a child but also adding a little extra $$$ onto it because they know that people are willing to pay to fill the hole in their hearts...

Ok, ok... so maybe I'm completely making this 'conspiracy theory' up...
but that's mostly where the battle of DFCS vs. Agency comes from for me.

But what would we do if DFCS places a little one in our house with the intent of fostering to adopt (that's typically how it happens until parental rights are terminated) and all of a sudden some relative comes from out of the blue and decides they want the baby? A battle would ensue, I know - but to lose would be like - death (I borrowed that one). Not that agencies will promise or guarantee smooth sailing - it's all a faith walk no matter what path we take.

Here's to adventure!!

In Christ,

P.S. if you know anyone who wants to adopt, this is a great place for education and support.