Thursday, October 29, 2009

Two weeks ago . . .

. . . I was at the OB/GYN office hearing all the pregnant chatter and looking at all the round bellies with babies inside of them. I admit that tears began to swell over the dam. The grief swept over me as quick as death. I was able to maintain my composure until I got into the car - although I'd have rather saved the crying until I got home, I just couldn't make it that far!!

What a precious gift - for a baby to grow inside of you. Sometimes I ache and long to know what it's like - even the many potential miseries of pregnancy dim at the loss of fertility. But I can't let this ache surpass and shadow my need for Jesus.

There are things that we will carry all of our lives, some may even call it their cross. And I guess that this will be one of mine. What a precious gift I have been given! That, in Jesus, I would find peace and contentment in this journey and in giving up this control. I truly can't wait to see what the Father has in store with each new day.

Blessed be the name of the Lord!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

well. . .

Here we are still waiting on the GBI. Not that it's been this huge amount of time that has passed since my last update. I have, however, visited the blog of the first agency we were going to choose and found that many people who signed on with them earlier this year already had that deer-in-the-headlights smile on their face as they held their baby. But I constantly remind have to clothe myself in patience and trust in the Lord's timing and His plan for our lives.

I'm sure that sounds a little silly to some people and that's truly ok and understandable, but I hope that you will read on.

I am quite assured that if it were up to me, I'd have have lost my head through this entire infertility and adoption journey. Every time I work at trying to work things out in my own strength, power and timing, I fall back on a bed of nails. Where as, when I just surrender and trust, I fall back into the loving arms of Jesus. Not to say that it has been easy - it's been difficult giving up control, comfort and security - and He is still working that out in my life. And I pray He continues this work that He is doing, even if I have to land out of my comfort zone. Surrendering everything is the only thing that matters and although I haven't mastered it (and won't in this world) - I have a Father who is lovingly teaching me.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8 (NIV)

or as Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message:

" Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing. " Ephesians 2:7-10

Grace is sufficient. In fact, it's all we need.

Thank you for your prayers and support for us as we plod along in this journey.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Sitting. . . Playing . . . Waiting . . . Praying . . .

I am so excited that tomorrow we will be dropping off our family profiles to Bethany!! It was kind of fun putting it together but, towards the end, it got a little burdensome and tedious. I thank the Lord that he put Daniel's creative juices into action! It was truly a team effort.
Did I mention that I'm so excited?!

We are still waiting on a few more pieces of paperwork to make it to the Bethany Office (GBI and a reference). I pray that this will put us into 'the waiting' and none of this above listed paperwork will be an issue - especially the GBI stuff.

It seems like we've been working on all of this for the longest time - but the time has kind of flown, too.
We're ready to put some more playtime into our schedule now that all of this is done!!! Anyone game? :-)

When it is impressed upon your heart, please remember us, our baby and birth family in your prayers.

Thank you, again, for your support and prayers.