Sunday, August 1, 2010

August 1, 2010: Mixed Emotions

Well, today is our birthmother's due date.

We sit with a lot of fear and joy in front of us. It's hard to wade through all of these emotions that we are experiencing right now. Well, I guess for me it is. I shouldn't speak for Daniel.

We received the news last Tuesday that there wouldn't be a baby this week and that the midwife would be seeing the still ever-so-pregnant b-mom again this Tuesday for another exam. This brought on an interesting mix of disappointment and relief for me.

I am nervous about the job of being a birth partner. I do not want to violate her modesty, get on her nerves or get in the way of the bonding of the b-mom and b-dad. Being a part of the birth experience really makes me jittery. Although I am very honored and excited at the same time.

I am nervous that they will change their minds and decide to parent. We have become very attached to our b-mom and b-dad and to the life that is growing inside of her. We pray for them and for baby (by name) daily (and have before we met them). We have met with them weekly since May and attended birth classes with them. We have prepared our hearts and our household to receive this little girl as our daughter and it would be grievous to lose her.

I am very concerned over the grieving process for our b-mom and b-dad. Giving up (yes, i use that term with great intention) a baby is one of the biggest decisions a person or persons can make in their lives. I have probably mentioned that in this blog or with you verbally. But with her previous issues and lack of family support, I just hope that she continues to seek proper counsel. Mostly, I pray that our b-mom and b-dad would be adopted into Christ's family.

Worry if a thief. Worry is a murderer. Worry will not change the outcome of the Lord's plan for our lives - or for our children's lives.
So, I ask the Lord for His love and peace. I ask Him to be our guide as we walk through this very intense time in our lives - and that we trust in Christ.

Despite all of the nerves, fear and worry, the joy of the Lord is what keeps us going. It is ok to examine what our life would be like as parents of our baby girl during and after the 10 day rescission period. It is a gift to be excited and joyous over this event in our lives and not let the shadow of doubt and fear be cast upon these precious moments that we have. It is ok for us to have a grasp of what lies ahead if our fears come into fruition but not to dwell and live in those fears.

Please pray for all of us - baby, b-mom, b-dad, Daniel and me - over the next few weeks as we are right up to the edge of a volcano of emotions.