Stop me before i say something stupid . . .

Here is an official update, straight from my case worker at Bethany:

"Yes, she is going to send another letter. The first one was sent certified mail and then next will be FedEx. This shows a diligent effort on Bethany's part o give him notice of the situation. If he does not accept that letter then she will move on to publishing for him. The publication runs once a week for three weeks and then at the end of the three weeks, there is a 30 day window for him to respond. "

The first letter had been sitting at his address for two - or so - weeks, unclaimed.

I try to encourage myself with the knowledge that God had this baby here for His purposes whether he is ours or not. If anyone else had anything better, please share.

So the 'thirty days' won't start for a month or more. If more is typed, it will be ugly and embarrassing as I am moving into a state of frustration. Gonna go check this heart and try to nap.

Please keep praying.

And call or stop in anytime. Hugs are welcome.

Thank you.

Update

Well, he has received paperwork but I am unclear now whether 30 days starts after signing or after receipt.
I am waiting on further clarification.

Supposed to be napping

I do not believe that the birth father has been served the legal paperwork. So we are waiting to wait. Over 30 more days to go on whether or not we know if Dakota will be our son.
There have been fears that have, selfishly, kept my heart closed and somewhat detached in regards to the bonding process. At the same time though, it is hard to keep a 'safe distance'. A roller coaster of emotions. Mix that with a lack of sleep and things can get rather messy around here. Thankfully, God is sovereign over messes!!

Our pastor preached from Romans 12 today, verses 1-2.

'I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.'

In testing what is good, self protection is ultimately the worst choice. The Lord has opened my eyes to how much more concerned i am about myself ( pride ) than i am His glory.
As hard as this newborn phase is, as hard as this waiting is, this is how we get to lay down our lives in this season of life. Is there a bit of selfish gain in this for us? Yes. Absolutely.
But our ultimate gain comes in how Christ is working in our lives through this little man. Christ is our ultimate gain. Whether Koty stays or goes, Christ is gain.
In worship, you are exalting Christ and drawing close to Him in order to have your empty cup filled to over flowing. Jesus, fill my cup, give me more of you.
We pray for the children under our roof to be ushered into Christ's kingdom. We have a limited view on life but understand that Koty's life may not be lived here. We may not be the gardeners that get to tend this life and help plant heavenly seeds. God has a plan. We may not like His plan but we have to trust it. And that can be so hard to do.

Thank you for praying for us. You are helping to keep our hearts and eyes open and on our ultimate prize.
And thank you to our kind friends and family who have loved on us with food.

And if you feel like getting a puzzle piece, we still got a ways to go before we reach our goal. I'll try to get more details on how we are doing on all of that.

A loss

I went out Wednesday morning to a tragic sight. . .

A fox (we believe) had gotten into our chicken coop.

Not one survivor.

I am still beside myself.

All my girls strewn across the ground.

I felt this really start to pull my down, as it revealed the weight of the fear of other possible losses.
And so, I trust in the Lord and how he is using the loss of our little feathered friends to grow us in His glory. Still, I am sad.

We still have so much to be thankful for and I know that Aslan is on the move.
Further up and further in.

In baby news:
We are doing great. Food in our bellies, clothes on our backs.
And, for the most part, smiles on our faces. And joy in our hearts.

Thank you for praying. Please keep 'em coming!

April 1

Everyone is good here.
Thriving on your prayers.
Surviving on caffeine. ( typical nights with newbies )

Birth father gets served the legal paperwork this week. We are still in a fragile situation. And still so much to rejoice in no matter what.

I am much in love with this little man - a fully blessed life now overflowing. I want him to be our son. Kadence's little brother. Who knows the Lord's plan?

So much to share from my head and heart. So little time and energy right now.

Please keep praying. And rejoicing.

Thank you.
Thank you.
A million times thank you.