Supposed to be napping

I do not believe that the birth father has been served the legal paperwork. So we are waiting to wait. Over 30 more days to go on whether or not we know if Dakota will be our son.
There have been fears that have, selfishly, kept my heart closed and somewhat detached in regards to the bonding process. At the same time though, it is hard to keep a 'safe distance'. A roller coaster of emotions. Mix that with a lack of sleep and things can get rather messy around here. Thankfully, God is sovereign over messes!!

Our pastor preached from Romans 12 today, verses 1-2.

'I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.'

In testing what is good, self protection is ultimately the worst choice. The Lord has opened my eyes to how much more concerned i am about myself ( pride ) than i am His glory.
As hard as this newborn phase is, as hard as this waiting is, this is how we get to lay down our lives in this season of life. Is there a bit of selfish gain in this for us? Yes. Absolutely.
But our ultimate gain comes in how Christ is working in our lives through this little man. Christ is our ultimate gain. Whether Koty stays or goes, Christ is gain.
In worship, you are exalting Christ and drawing close to Him in order to have your empty cup filled to over flowing. Jesus, fill my cup, give me more of you.
We pray for the children under our roof to be ushered into Christ's kingdom. We have a limited view on life but understand that Koty's life may not be lived here. We may not be the gardeners that get to tend this life and help plant heavenly seeds. God has a plan. We may not like His plan but we have to trust it. And that can be so hard to do.

Thank you for praying for us. You are helping to keep our hearts and eyes open and on our ultimate prize.
And thank you to our kind friends and family who have loved on us with food.

And if you feel like getting a puzzle piece, we still got a ways to go before we reach our goal. I'll try to get more details on how we are doing on all of that.