Friday, May 8, 2009

Mother's Day . . .

After googling "mother's day infertility", I must confess my irritation...

Like the one article that asks you to do something with your own mother. My mom and I don't have the best relationship and I have already planned on spending time with her doing what she'll enjoy. The article reads "Do something that turns the focus of the day onto the special relationship that you have, regardless of the day on the calendar. " Although I know what I have with her is special - that I will only have one mother, it seems to be a very strained relationship that can be trying for me. Essentially, we need years of therapy to work out our issues - but I love her still - no matter what. And that honesty kind of stings a bit.

In the same article "Do you have siblings? Are they aware of your infertility issues? Do they understand that this is a hard day for you? If so, enlist their help in your survival. Have them do the shopping or card selection while you contribute money. Let them order the flowers, or venture into the card shop if it's too hard for you to get there. "

No, I don't have siblings....

So . . . :-PPP.

And then the other article that refers to 'infertiles' - like we're friggin' mutants. Seriously!! If the person writing this article is dealing with infertility in her life, she really needs to change her personal view. I hope she doesn't see herself as a mutant.

Although harmless - the advice these people list seems so annoying to me right now. They seem bent on either ignoring it and finding distractions or faking it. "Surviving Infertility" is one of the titles.... but I want to do better than that - I'd like to thrive in it. Surviving seems so - I don't know - baseline. But I also don't want to be annoying to those close to me.

Yes, I would like to ignore this day. Yes, I wish this hallmark holiday would get blown off the calendar. But I can't change it.

So, how do I handle this head on with the grace that God wants us to have?

I have no clue. None whatsoever.

I only know how my 'old self' would be handling this and the temptation is always in front of me.

I don't plan on stewing in bitterness and resentment but I know that certain events in life will bring on grief cycles. And I pray that the Lord will strengthen me through those times. I don't know how He plans to use it and I may never know.

I do not plan on attending church on Sunday because I don't want to deal with by putting on a "poker face" or absolutely breaking down in front of people. Weak? Lame? Yea, I know.

So, I request your prayers. I ask that you pray for families who share the same grief that we carry daily. A grief that we will wear today and tomorrow - month after month, year after year. Even beyond my 'child-bearing years', I know that this will be cross.

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope I wasn't too annoying.

Working on giving in to something heavenly....

In Christ,


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