May 2011

These past few months have just been amazing as far as growth and development for Kadence.
We thought she would be crawling in April but really lost interest in moving for a few weeks - which is totally normal according to my friends/experts (other moms!). And then one day - off to the races! She is a little explorer and I am having so much fun with her at this age. I have heard from several people that it only gets better - although I am trying too hard not to dread the teenage years so soon.

It's funny, I have gone from vacuuming one or two specific areas pretty regularly to vacuuming almost the entire house daily - as she is a mover! It may sound neurotic but after finding a strange piece of fabric in her diaper - it just makes more sense to stay on top of it. Not that vacuuming everyday will prevent strange treasures in the diaper from happening but it's worth the relief is gives me. She is always going to find something that I missed. And no, I am not a dirt-a-phob or a germ-a-phob but people don't always follow our no shoe policy after walking through our yard that houses free ranging chickens (and their droppings). And it feels good to walk on a floor barefooted and not always get crunchies on the bottom of your feet. Ok, that's a little neurotic.

She has four teeth that have broken and now her 2 front teeth look like they are ready to make an appearance. Her hair is getting a little thicker and a little longer. Some mornings I get up and wonder what happened? Something changed and grew on you again last night - what was it? I still see a baby but there's this toddler that is already working her way out. It is all happening so quickly! Although four or five months ago, I would not have said that.

She is quick to smile and usually laughs pretty easily - like her daddy. She likes to talk. She loves eating chicken and fresh fruit. When I say Daddy, she looks at daddy. When I say chickens, she looks at the chickens. I swear that when she sees Doc, she says Doc (in her own language but it's very consistent). Oh, and she LOVES Savanna - the cat and has a certain noise she makes when she sees her.

I am grateful that the Lord has blessed us with our daughter. It has been quite an adjustment in my life, as I am an only child and have never had this level of attachment with anyone else. I have had close friends and I have been married for 7.5 years but waking up to something day and and day out that is completely dependent on me - it's very different. And yes, sometimes, difficult.

I am grateful to have had the experience of having to wait on the Lord for our family to grow. I am not saying that everyone doesn't wait but there is an element of control that was removed from my life with infertility. And the levels of empty that He brought me to during those waiting years really peeved me off, revealed how weak I am and how much I truly need Jesus. I am grateful because I didn't know if I would ever get to be here with my daughter. I wasn't sure that the Lord's plans for my life included parenting - even though it was something that I wanted.

Gripe

Health insurance . . . Yea, you've heard this one before. . . We applied through one company, and I was asked to sign an exclusion rider for all my reproductive organs. All my plumbing. Everything! So, because I have fluid in my fallopian tubes, if any other condition arises - or testing for any condition - with my female reproductive organs - they won't cover it. Even if it has nothing to do with my hydrosalpinx, which will more than likely be the case. Phooey! And double Phooey! What is the point of insurance again? Pardon the gripe . . . but it seemed to relevant to the blog - which reminds me that His grace is sufficient even if my insurance coverage 'ain't' . . . :-P hoooey! Yay! Baby's up - time to play!

Baby update

I have been meaning to give an update but I don't know exactly what to update. I am terrible at this, especially when it's been so long. I also fail at remembering to take pictures - even when I remember to bring the camera!
Kadence Ella is about 2 weeks away from her 8 month birthday. Unbelievable!
Overall, she is a happy and content girl. She smiles and laughs quite a bit. She loves to eat - especially apples, butternut squash, sweet potato and peas. She is at the point to where she will probably be mobile (crawling) pretty soon and as excited as I am about that, I am also a bit nervous. I love being a mom. It is a hard job and quite tiring at times but I love it nonetheless.

Did I mention she is also the cutest baby in the whole wide world?

Changing the subject some . . . Recently, I was talking to a sweet lady that I have a Bible Study with about how she is a visual learner. She was talking about how Galatians 5:25, "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit," came more to life for her when she understood what it meant to "keep in step" with the Spirit. When soldiers are marching, they are to break cadence at a bridge, otherwise "keeping in step" could cause the bridge to collapse. That breathed a whole new meaning into my daughter's name for me.
Kadence is rhythm, while Ella is light. Initially, it was a simple prayer that her walk in life would be with the Lord. 1 John 1:5 leads me to 'light', "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all." But I had not considered at all Galatians 5:25 for 'rhythm'. So, this conversation just deepened the meaning of my daughter's name for me and the prayer I have for her.
May her cadence with the Lord be strong.

And moving onto another concern . . . Biblical parenting. I am so unprepared and inept to be a parent, let alone one who is to share their life living out the Gospel. I know that I fall and fail miserably at this daily - moment to moment even. As much as I love Kadence, I don't love her like the Lord loves her. I'd like to think that I do but I don't. Which is amazing to think about how loved I am - we all are. really.
Biblical parenting = overwhelming task
I know that I am not alone in this. I know I have a Helper. I know that He will provide - and has provided - Godly people and mentors to help guide me (us) through parenthood. But I am still nervous.

So, on we go into the adventure called parenting . . .

As far as the birth parents go, we haven't had much contact with them since Kadence was 3 months old, when we met with them at Justin and Anne's house for a few hours. Daniel has spoken with B-daddy here and there. B-daddy is out of town a lot for work, which leaves B-mommy to fend for herself, which she is good at but I don't think she prefers - especially now. I can't imagine that this has been easy for them, so I will ask for your continued prayer support for them. And if you have any ideas on how we can love on them, please feel free to share. They mean so much to us and we consider them family.

Children of God

We are called 'children of God' - and what a blessing!! To experience the joy of loving my daughter is just a glimpse to help me grasp a little better Jesus' love for His children - for me!! I am a sinner. I am depraved. I have a deceitful heart and flesh that is quick to rise up. I have unclean hands and an unclean heart. I am always searching out things to satisfy that aren't Holy - they're not Jesus. I stumble. I fall.

I am a child of God and loved far more than I deserve.

Thank you, Jesus.

Misbelief Therapy

I am going to give you a book recommendation, Telling Yourself the Truth by Dr. William Backus.
It is not a book on parenting but it has been helpful in that area of life.
The gist of the book is about how you are responsible for your feelings, emotions and actions. That you are in charge of your happiness, joy and contentment. It's not some feel-good, sugar-coated, quick-fix tool - it is life changing. Dr.Backus has you examine your self-talk, identify misbeliefs and replace them with truth (which, of course, is Gospel-centered truth).
I love how he reminds you that life isn't easy and just because you are faced with situations in life that are terrible doesn't mean that they are not endurable. And from that endurance, there is great growth. And he gives you tools to endure your depression, anger, anxiety, addictions, lack of self-control, fear of change, your relationships with others and other issues.
I do have to warn you that this book is only good when you are ready to take a serious look at your life.
I will probably re-read it (for a third time) and take more time to meditiate on the questions and exercises, so if anyone is interested in doing this together, please let me know.

Lord bless you.

November 1, 2010

I still have no idea what I am doing!

But I guess I never will . . .

Still love this job.

Parental Experimenting

Well, I am sure that all and everything I am doing would go against any pediatrician's advice. I have made gripe water (anise, chamomile and ginger) to mix into every bottle. I also get a non-dairy probitotic into her with some Cod Liver Oil and Aloe. Weird, I know but there is this learning curve that you go through as a parent.
Before you become a parent - ok, let me back up. Before I became a parent there was this list of things on which I would and would not do. No pacifier, only organic formula, cloth diapers all the way and the list goes on. . . .
Well, Kadence has a very strong urge to suck. So much so that she would take double of what she should've been taking her first few weeks. Which lead to major spit up waterfalls. It was lovely. This over eating caused us to have to back off from feeding her so much and soothing her with a pacifier. Yes, I was reluctant but had to chose what was in her best interest. I still consider the pacifier to be the most confounding and frustrating tool in my arsenal but it helps her soothe when I can't soothe her and saves my sanity at times, too.
On top of the waterfalls, we had a very fussy baby who couldn't pass gas. We had her on a dairy based organic formula which seemed to be working great - outside of the miserable baby. So, we switched to a hypoallergenic non-organic formula. And we still add Mylicon, gripe water and the other things listed above in order for her to not scream for four hours straight.
We do cloth diapers throughout the day but at night we find it easier to just put on a plastic (disposable) because she will soak through a cloth (and layers of cloth) rather quickly. Again, just a sanity saver for us.
Sanity has a high value to new parents.
On that note, my KO is awake and I must go and love on her. :-) My favorite parts of the day is when she wakes!!