August 7, 2010 (written Sept.20 2010)

Kadence Ella Owens was born on August 7, 2010 at 9:36pm.
We rejoice and thank the Lord for her - and for her birthparents.

We received a call on Friday August 6th from b-dad saying that b-mom was having contractions but not consistently timed out. The doctor said that they would induce that following Monday if there was no change by that Monday. On Saturday, Daniel and I did some running around and got home to a late lunch. We decided while we were fixing lunch that we could call and see how b-mom and b-dad were doing. Well, during lunch we got a call from b-dad saying that they were being admitted and b-mom was 4cm.
We didn't waste anytime. We loaded up our already packed bags, took care of our mini-farm and made our way out the door towards Kennestone hospital. We stopped to pray and take a deep breath. So many emotions played in our hearts and so many thoughts rushed through our minds during the drive while we called family and friends to share in our joyous news.
We arrived at the hospital, the exact time, I can't remember but it was mid to late afternoon. B-mama and b-daddy were getting settled and working on finding a groove or rhythm to get through each contraction. B-mama hadn't had much rest since very early Friday morning and had been unable to keep any food in her stomach. Even the purple popsicle she ate some of didn't stay down very long. All the techniques we learned in the birthing class were out the window. She stated that they were great for her during the first stage of her labor. So all she could do was walk around the room with b-dad's support. And the walking only happened because the nurse encouraged it by saying, "If you just want to lay there then I think we should keep you hooked up to the monitor." Which is apparently very uncomfortable.
Daniel and I just did what we could to support and encourage them as they walked through this. I wanted so badly to do more than we were doing so I just kept praying in my head and my heart for the three of them. They had downloaded some music for this occasion. In the background we listened to the Beatles (Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Band), Lauryn Hill, Eminem, Van Morrison and a few other artists over the next several hours. B-daddy's mom arrived not too far behind us which seemed to comfort them even more.
When the midwife came in to check her progress, around 7:00pm or so, we stepped out. They had decided, since she was still at 4cm to go ahead and break her water. B-mama was determined to have this little girl with as little intervention as possible. After the breaking of the water, her contractions greatly intensified and came much quicker. B-mama and b-daddy had found a rhythm and worked beautifully together. When a contraction came, she would hook her arms into the bed and they would make eye contact and he would talk her through. The three of us would sit on the sidelines and just 'cheer' them on and continue to encourage them.
The nurse came in several times to check on her and offered drugs and she would say no. But once the nurse walked out she would look at b-daddy and say 'I don't think I can do this, I want drugs'. And his words would pull her through the next few contractions.
When the midwife came back to check her around 9:00pm, she and the nurses started to pull everything together and get ready for the delivery. As private parts became not-so-private, Daniel made his way to the waiting room. Her urge to push was so strong but they needed her to wait a little bit longer. But soon they had her positioned and pushing. There I stood, at her right with b-dad at her left as she pushed. Even through this part of labor, her humor still remained. I couldn't tell you how many times she pushed but soon there was a baby resting on her belly and b-mama's eyes were as big as saucers. I was so awestruck I couldn't cry - or do much of anything - except step out of the way of the nurses. B-mama's eyes followed that beautiful baby as they went to clean her up and take care of her.
Honestly, my eyes bounced back and forth between baby and birthmama. I wanted so badly to hold onto both of them at once. As I stood between them staring at b-mama stare at our little girl, b-mama looked up at me, pointed to her and said, ' Go see your baby '. I snapped out of my awe momentarily to step back into a few steps away at the hospital bassinet. B-daddy's mom joined me as I continued to stare and get lost in the moment. I don't know how much time passed before she lovingly reminded me about my husband, who was still in the waiting room. I practically floated out there to get him.
While they took care of b-mama on the other side of the curtain, we held our little Kadence for the first time, taking pictures. Once they had b-mama taken care of, we joined them on the other side of the curtain as we awaited the move to the next floor. We gushed over baby girl and how awesome b-mama and b-daddy did during labor and delivery. We met two of b-daddy's sisters, a brother-in-law and niece that night.
B-mama was worn out but more hungry than tired. Thankfully the cafeteria had opened for the night shift. It was close to midnight by the time we got to the new room and the guys went to go get food. We ate with them and continued to gush over our little miracle. We left them to get some rest, bringing Kadence into the nursery on our way out. We left to go sleep at at Justin and Anne's house that night, if you want to call it sleep.
We were up bright and early the next day, grabbing breakfast and flowers for b-mama. We met them at the hospital and stayed with them a few minutes before we got Kadence out of the nursery. Inside, I was clawing to get her in my arms again but I wanted to connect with b-mama and b-daddy some, too. To speak of the thoughtfulness of these two, they had the opportunity to be discharged on Sunday. However, if discharged, Kadence stays in the nursery until her discharge on Monday. And we weren't allowed in the nursery. I am sure that they wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, too. But they wanted us to be with her as well.
We spent the day Sunday and Monday with them. We got the opportunity to meet b-daddy's youngest sister and dad during this time. Justin and Anne brought us lunch and met their niece - even though it was discouraged from our agency for us to not have our relatives or friends, our b-mama gave the green light.
We had spent a few hours every week with them since the end of May and the Lord cultivated a deep love for them in us. The time we got to spend with them over those days in the hospital really means so much to me, and I believe to Daniel also. The Lord used it to deepen our love for b-mama and b-daddy. We continue to pray for them and thank the Lord for them in our lives.

I am sure there are many details that I have left out as I have a limited amount of time to spend here at the computer with a six week old baby. Maybe soon, or in a few more weeks (or months), I will share more as this adventure continues to unfold daily.
I feel there is a lot I want to share about the mountains and valleys of motherhood. And I also want to continue to share with you how the Lord is working in me and in my family.
I hope, too, to be able to update you on b-mama and b-daddy. I know that they recently adopted a dog and b-mama has gone back to work but that's about it. I know they have a lot of grief and mixed emotions to work through and we will continue to leave the door open for them when they are ready to get together.

August 1, 2010: Mixed Emotions

Well, today is our birthmother's due date.

We sit with a lot of fear and joy in front of us. It's hard to wade through all of these emotions that we are experiencing right now. Well, I guess for me it is. I shouldn't speak for Daniel.

We received the news last Tuesday that there wouldn't be a baby this week and that the midwife would be seeing the still ever-so-pregnant b-mom again this Tuesday for another exam. This brought on an interesting mix of disappointment and relief for me.

I am nervous about the job of being a birth partner. I do not want to violate her modesty, get on her nerves or get in the way of the bonding of the b-mom and b-dad. Being a part of the birth experience really makes me jittery. Although I am very honored and excited at the same time.

I am nervous that they will change their minds and decide to parent. We have become very attached to our b-mom and b-dad and to the life that is growing inside of her. We pray for them and for baby (by name) daily (and have before we met them). We have met with them weekly since May and attended birth classes with them. We have prepared our hearts and our household to receive this little girl as our daughter and it would be grievous to lose her.

I am very concerned over the grieving process for our b-mom and b-dad. Giving up (yes, i use that term with great intention) a baby is one of the biggest decisions a person or persons can make in their lives. I have probably mentioned that in this blog or with you verbally. But with her previous issues and lack of family support, I just hope that she continues to seek proper counsel. Mostly, I pray that our b-mom and b-dad would be adopted into Christ's family.

Worry if a thief. Worry is a murderer. Worry will not change the outcome of the Lord's plan for our lives - or for our children's lives.
So, I ask the Lord for His love and peace. I ask Him to be our guide as we walk through this very intense time in our lives - and that we trust in Christ.

Despite all of the nerves, fear and worry, the joy of the Lord is what keeps us going. It is ok to examine what our life would be like as parents of our baby girl during and after the 10 day rescission period. It is a gift to be excited and joyous over this event in our lives and not let the shadow of doubt and fear be cast upon these precious moments that we have. It is ok for us to have a grasp of what lies ahead if our fears come into fruition but not to dwell and live in those fears.

Please pray for all of us - baby, b-mom, b-dad, Daniel and me - over the next few weeks as we are right up to the edge of a volcano of emotions.

July 1, 2010

In case you didn't notice, the thermometer that measures our fundraising achievements at the side of the screen - our adoption account is full!
Thank you, Lord!!
And thank you to all of our friends, family and friends of our friends and family that have helped to make this possible. We trusted the Lord to provide but to know that this part is ready is such a relief.

THANK YOU!

June 18, 2010

This was the last day at work for me. I thought I would feel like a free bird but I am a little sad to say good-bye to one of the best places and best people that I have worked with and for. And I must confess I'm a little anxious about all the stuff that we have to do over the next few weeks and how things will unfold. So, I remind me myself where to put my hope. Jesus.

This is the first week that we have not met with our b-mom and b-dad, as we both had a lot of busy-ness this week. As far as I know, we are still moving forward as planned. Next week, she starts a birth class for the next four weeks. Some classes I or we may attend - depending on her comfort level. We really enjoy the time we get with them, so I'm a little sad we didn't get to be with them this week. They are very easy to be with.

My friend, Amy, is planning a 'baby warming' party to help us collect some essentials - cloth diapers/accessories, bottles, blankets, etc. All the stuff we'll need the first 3 months. A few people have asked about a shower and I think that we would prefer to do it after the 10 day waiting period is over. Keep your calendar open for July 17th, in the evening and come with a sweet tooth.

Fundraising efforts have been AMAZING! All we really need is $3,000 and that will be due at the placement ceremony, which happens a few days after our 10 day waiting period. The placement ceremonay is at Bethany and is just another party for you to come and celebrate with us. Lord willing!!

Thank you for your prayers!

June 18, 2010

June 14, 2010

This is my last week of work. The next few weeks will be spent preparing our house for a wee one. I can't imagine how upside down our lives are about to get . . . We have spent the last few years together functioning as a couple - two people. And we are far from mastering the art of that. . .
But that's the adventure in life - the journey that the Lord has us on. One great big experiment after another. And we can have fun with it and make the most of it or not. . . which is usually what kills me the most. I find that I can let worry consume me like a monster. And I have really had to lean on the Lord for my strength in this journey. I saved an e-mail that I sent to my sister-in-law that, after reading, I wanted to share with the few people who follow this little blog.

"there are no guarantees in life. we both know that. no promises of easy. although our society likes to think that if you just take this pill or press that button - it'll make things all better. adoption has really been one of those things that has taught me and reminded me over and over again that this next step is not going to be anything what you expect. I am grateful for this experience. It continues to put me in a position to trust Christ and to let go of self-reliance. Again, not anything that I will master here on earth. It is also teaching me that I can't let my emotions run (or rather ruin) me - that I have to let the Spirit work because ultimately the Lord is in control - which brings me back to trusting in Him. And it's not always easy to be obedient to something you can not see or have words to describe. So, I feel like I am being worked and strengthened in my faith through these challenges - learning who and what to run to when things get tough (Jesus, prayer, the Word . . ). Sometimes it's not about praying to change our circumstances, as it is to change our hearts or our attitudes in the circumstances. He can't grow us and conform us to His image if we are always comfortable. I know that I will need a deep abiding faith in my Heavenly Father, an unswerving trust in Jesus, an unrelenting, repenting heart that only comes from the Spirit in order to be the imperfect parent and wife that I want to be.
Yes, we know that we have the option for interim care. We know that the only thing to compare to having her taken away from us in those 10 days would be death. But there a lot of things that go into this equation - including promptings from the Spirit that are leading us down this road. We know better than to ask for an easy way out of this. Only for His will to be done and for wisdom to trust in Him. I think it would be worse to miss out on the few hours or days that we would get with her. I mean, we are going to be at the hospital, taking care of her. We want to bring her home. We want her to know us from day 1 - no matter what happens. I know that if b-mom and b-dad decide to parent, they'll be heartbroken to take her away from us. It's just difficult all around for everyone involved. Someone is going to grieve somewhere along the way. Nothing is wasted - the Lord uses everything for His glory and our growth."

So, I thank Bindi for asking the questions that prompted me to think about those things. And I am grateful for our mentors who guide us and point us back to the Peace and Truth that is in Jesus Christ. Although, I do have moments where I can fall into a pity party and lose focus of the Cross, He picks me back up and we keep moving forward on this journey together.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with us.

May's Update: You Might Want to Read This One . . . .

About mid month, we received an e-mail telling of an opportunity of a baby that had just been born. We put in a request to have our profile shown to this birth mother. She picked another family, which just meant, to us, that the Lord had another baby for us. This wasn't our child. During the conversation where our caseworker told us that this particular mother had made an alternate choice, she said something to the effect of, 'if your ears have been burning, then there's a reason. I'll be in touch.'

I quickly had forgotten about this conversation, surprisingly. I have been warned how fast things can change on the adoption path, so I just tucked into the hope that this last presentation had re-ignited and moved on.

Daniel and I were in the middle of making big decisions, like whether or not I should continue my employment with the only job that I have ever enjoyed so much. We approached this with a lot of prayer, conversation and seeking of wisdom from others. Finally, I typed up my notice and turned it in to my boss on May 24th. I thought my heart would beat right out of my chest as I handed her the envelope around 445/500pm. It was an emotional moment for us both.

After she left, it took me a moment to refocus and get back to work. When my phone rang moments later, I was going to let it go to voicemail, since that is what I typically do at work. I thought the number was from my auto insurance company since we had just changed our direct deposit.
But for some reason, I answered it. And this is the gist of the conversation:
Melinda: Hi Vanessa, this is Melinda from Bethany.
Me: Oh, hi. How are you?
Melinda: Great! I was trying to reach Daniel. Are you at home?
Me: No, I am at work.
Melinda: Still?
Me: Yes. I close this place down at 6pm.
Melinda: Well, I was hoping to get you and Daniel on a conference call tonight. Can you get a hold of him?
Me: (my heart is back to beating out of my chest, yet i am trying to maintain composure) Yea, I can try. I'll have him call you and you guys can call me. I'll keep my phone close by.
Melinda: ok, I'll look forward to hearing from you.

Ok, so I couldn't get her singing tone into that typed dialogue, but you get the gist. . .

I had to call Daniel a few times to get him to pick up. He must've thought I was psycho or close to death but I wasn't going to stop until he picked up that phone! We quickly got onto a conference call with Melinda and listened as she told us about the birth mother and birth father with whom we had been matched.

That was May 24th, when we received that call. We met with the birth mother and birth father this past Thursday, the 27th at Bethany. We talked with them for about 2 hours. Melinda, after the meeting, stated that she doesn't think that she laughed that hard in one of those meetings. So, I would like to think that it went well. We will be working on building a relationship with them, as the due date draws near. I wish I could share the details that have made this so incredible but also so scary - but there are just so many. I mean, if this continues down an adoption path the situation is almost too perfect. Maybe that's why it's so scary . . .

This side of the story makes me think - why would she have made an adoption plan? While the other side of the story says, I could see where this could really happen . . . this could be our daughter!
It's like walking a tightrope, as we continue to put our trust in our Heavenly Father and just step out. One step at a time - not focusing too hard on this side or that. . . just the Cross.

I must admit that I feel like I am trying to maintain a 'safe distance' since things can change so incredibly fast. The gift that this young woman and young man have given is beyond enormous - it is a love sacrifice. This is one of the biggest decisions that a person would have to make - to parent or to make an adoption plan.

We will be meeting with the both of them again this Thursday, the 27th. We really like them both and hope that they can become more like an extended family. Please pray for them, as he travels frequently and as she is carrying what could potentially be our baby girl. Please pray for this little one growing in her. And please pray for us.

I hope this is enough details for now. I will try and report a little more, as time allows. We do have quite a bit to do to get ready for our worlds to be turned inside out and upside down. And we're looking forward to it. . .